Boundaries. They are the single most effective tool to have and utilize for successful relationships, but they are the most hardest to put into practice—especially as the relationship becomes longer.
What is a boundary?
A piece of our being, an aspect of who we are, or even the things we identify with or has become a part of our life.
It’s those things that make up who we are and who we see ourselves as. The closer we get to our real selves, the more we need to defend it. We do that with boundaries—the protective act of holding on to that which makes us who we are.
We often believe that others will deliberately respect our limits. Our significant other loves and respects us, so it stands to reason that they would want us to feel and be our best all of the time, right? Sorry, but this isn’t correct—and it’s not their fault.
It’s natural for us to subconsciously desire our spouse to be more like ourselves. It is often used in heated debates and discussions. Most arguments are about wanting people to view things the way we do. It’s so easy to think in this manner that we forget we are people with distinct likes, dislikes, interests, and wants. True, we discover love via shared interests, but love is maintained by healthy differences.
That is when boundaries come into play in successful relationships.
To have a healthy connection with all of the elements that identify us, we must assert our boundaries on a regular basis. No matter how long we’ve known someone, our loved ones will unintentionally want to become the same person. It is in our best interests to maintain our individuality, to retain what makes us distinct, and to utilize this as a strength in cementing the love through time.
There’s a subtle rule here that isn’t always easy to adhere to: everything is our fault.
That’s right. Our boundaries are our responsibility to remind those around us that we mean business.
If we want to do whatever it is that makes us feel alive, then we need to stick to it. The more wishy-washy we are with our own standards, the more confusing the messages we send to our partner.
Never wait for someone to respect or bring up your limits for you.
We have control over our own choices, likes/dislikes, and limits.
If we want to be ourselves, we must behave as such. People will learn to appreciate our decisiveness and expect nothing less from us over time.